Stay With Me
by JanieTattoos
Summary: Set during the Season 2 finale - Jane's thought process from when Kurt says those three little words, right up to when she shows up at his apartment. A three-part fic.
1. Chapter One

_"Don't move to California. Stay here… with me. I love you, Jane. I love you."_

Jane didn't know what to say. She had been waiting to hear those words for months, and now, here she was, speechless, Kurt's head cradled in her hand. She could hear the ambulance sirens blaring towards them. She knew that they would want her to leave Kurt alone so he could get treated, but she couldn't leave his side. Not now, not ever.

The ambulance skidded to a halt a few meters away from them, the crew flinging themselves out of the doors at the first opportunity. Jane's head was still throbbing from when her head had smacked against the steering wheel, immediately after she had crashed into Roman.

Roman. Jane's heart sank even further as she remembered the pain that had been reflected on her brother's face. After everything they had been through, he had still walked away. The worst thing was, he actually wanted her to shoot him. His pleas were still ringing in her ears. She couldn't bring herself to pull the trigger. Despite everything, despite his hatred towards her, Roman was still her brother. And now, with Shepherd - thankfully - about to be taken into custody, and with his fury towards Jane refusing to cool off, Roman was isolated. He had no one to turn to; it was just him and his resurfacing memories now. Will I ever see him again? Jane thought to herself. She doubted it - what she had kept secret from Roman couldn't be easily forgiven. However, she couldn't bear the thought of him being out in this world alone. She knew she needed to find him, but for now, Kurt had to be her first priority.

"Jane. Jane. Do you copy?"

Patterson's voice in her ears brought her back to her senses. To Kurt. To everything.

Jane could barely speak. "Yeah, I-I'm here," she whispered.

Patterson sighed with relief. "Jane, what the hell is going on? Is Weller alright? He sounded-"

Jane cut her off. "He's unconscious right now… the medics have just arrived."

"Oh God," Patterson's voice broke a little. "There's a team on the way to take Shepherd into custody, so don't worry about that. Keep us in the loop, though, okay?"

"I-I will," Jane replied.

The comms went dead.

In her peripheral vision, she could see one of the medics running towards her and Kurt.

"Ma'am, you need medical attention-"

"No, I-I'm not leaving him, I can't…" Her voice trembled with every word she spoke, tears forming in her eyes. They were finally in a good place, with no secrets, and now he was hurt. Every time they got close to something good, all hell broke loose. She needed to be by his side.

"I know you're worried, but he's in good hands, okay? C'mon, let's get you checked out".

"I'm fine, it's Kurt, y-you gotta…"

"I know, my colleagues are gonna take care of him now. But you're not fine, that gash on your head speaks for itself. Will you just come with me please?"

The medic tugged gently on Jane's arm, trying to guide her towards the ambulance, but she couldn't stand up. She couldn't do anything, except grasp Kurt's hand tightly. Despite being unconscious, his hand was still warm.

"You're gonna be okay, Kurt, you hear me?" she choked out. "I won't go to California. I'll stay here, and we'll work things out. I promise. Just get better. Please." Jane's tears splashed onto Kurt's bulletproof vest.

"Ma'am, we really need to get you two to a hospital-"

"Fine. I'm coming." Jane reluctantly pried her hand away from Kurt's, lingering for just a second, her thumb swiping over the back of his hand. "As soon as I'm cleared, I'll come and find you," she told him, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. "I won't leave you, and you're not gonna leave me."

She squeezed his hand once more, then let go. The medic pulled Jane to her feet and guided her to where the ambulance was waiting for her. She would find Kurt at the first opportunity she had. They were gonna get through this. They had to.


	2. Chapter Two

The pounding in Jane's head had gradually eased, but her heart was still thumping, louder than ever. She was itching to leave the cubicle; the doctor was taking his time to discharge her. She hadn't heard any news of how Kurt was. Jane suspected she was driving Patterson crazy, as she kept ringing her to see if anyone at SIOC had news of Kurt's condition - but it was the same answer every time.

"No, Jane, I know just as much as you. Look, I know you're worried, but I'm sure he's fine. You'll be the first to know if we hear anything. I gotta go."

 _Hirst is clearly keeping the team busy,_ Jane thought to herself.

She couldn't help but let her mind wander to the events of the past 24 hours. They had gone from being infiltrated by Sandstorm, losing several of their best agents, to capturing Shepherd, Sandstorm's leader, the most threatning terrorist in the world - and Jane's mother. God, _mother_. Even the word was enough to send a shiver up her spine.

 _What kind of mother trains her children to be so heartless and void of emotion?_ Jane thought. _Shepherd had played us as pawns the whole time, taking advantage of our vulnerability as orphans. She used me, she used Roman, she drilled it into our heads that what we were doing was for "the greater good". That it was humane. But nothing about it was humane._

Although Jane's memories weren't coming back as frequently as Roman's, they still frightened her. She knew that she and Remi were separate people now, but that didn't stop the memories from being real. She had done terrible things, and although she wasn't that person anymore, it didn't make her previous actions any less significant.

Kurt's words - only spoken a few hours ago - echoed in her ears. _"We're not our families."_ And it was true; Kurt's mind wasn't his father's, and Jane's mind wasn't Shepherd's. She had redeemed herself - the erasing of her memory had been a blessing in disguise. It had led her to the team, to Kurt. But the nightmares were something that might never be erased.

The thought of the future frightened her. Hirst had told her that she could go anywhere once Sandstorm was stopped, but deep down, Jane didn't want to go anywhere. She wanted to stay here, where she had finally found a feeling of comfort, a feeling of security, a feeling of _home_. She didn't want to leave that - leave _him_ \- but she also knew that her spot on the team was now uncertain. Her deal with the FBI had come to an end, and there was no true obligation for her to remain on the team. Shepherd was in custody, that was it. So what would she do now?

The doctor whipped back the cubicle curtain, interrupting her thoughts.

"Alright, Miss Doe, you are free to go."

 _It's about damn time,_ Jane thought to herself, but she just nodded curtly at the doctor and thanked him.

She slid herself off the hospital bed, ready to leave, when she remembered.

"Wait, sorry, do you have any updates on my colleague? His name's Kurt Well-"

"Yes, I know, but I'm afraid I can't disclose patient details."

Jane sighed, closing her eyes briefly. She needed to know if he made it. If she would see him again.

"Please, I'm begging you. I just need to know if he made it through surgery. _Please_."

The doctor gave her a pitied look, then said "He's fine. He just got out of surgery a few moments ago, it went really well."

Jane clutched the side of the metal bed frame to stop her knees from caving in. _He's okay. He's gonna be okay_. Tears sprang from her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered.

The doctor smiled at her, clutching his clipboard. "You're welcome. Now, make your way to reception whenever you're ready," he said, before leaving Jane alone in the cubicle.

It was only when the curtain was fully closed that Jane allowed the news to sink in, and allowed her emotions to be released. She couldn't believe it. She had thought that…

She couldn't bear to think of her life without him.

With her hands shaking, Jane pulled her cell phone from her back pocket, dialling the number that Kurt had forced her to memorise off by heart.

Patterson answered after two rings.

"Agent Patterson."

Jane breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey, it's me, uh-"

"Jane, what did I tell you about calling me?"

"No, no, it's not that. The doctor just told me that Kurt's out of surgery. He's gonna be alright."

"Oh," Patterson said, a hint of shame in her voice. "Sorry! Well, that's amazing news. I'll tell Hirst and the others right now. Are you discharged yet?"

"Yeah, I'm about to leave right now."

"That's great!" Patterson replied. "Okay, I gotta go, Tasha's getting irritated with me cause she doesn't know what's happening. Let us know when you land back home, alright?"

"Okay, I will. Bye."

Jane clicked 'end call' with a slow smile spreading across her face. Patterson could've said "Let us know when you land back in New York", or "SIOC"… but she didn't. Jane leaned back against the cubical wall, closing her eyes.

Kurt was okay. And she was going _home_.


	3. Chapter Three

The vibrating phone on the counter awoke Jane from her daydream. The TV was blaring, but she wasn't watching it; she was just staring into space, with Kurt's confession to her on loop inside her head. _I love you, Jane._

She leaped off the couch as if it was on fire, and grabbed her cell phone. The bright blue light illuminated her face in the evening dusk as she read the screen. The message was from Kurt. Her heart started to pound, as she imagined the hundreds of scenarios surrounding the text. She tapped the notification, holding her breath.

 _Hey, just got back to SIOC, Hirst told me you're alright. The team's coming to back to mine now to celebrate, if you're up for it, but don't worry if you're not. I'm glad you're ok._

Jane read and reread the message a few times, just to make sure it was him. She still couldn't believe that he had made it out alive; she genuinely thought that she had lost him forever. That thought scared her more than Sandstorm ever could.

Her thumb paused over the screen, not knowing how to respond. Truth is, she didn't know how to face him, not after what he had said. She didn't know if he even _remembered_ telling her; he did go unconscious, after all. And if that was true, then she didn't want to be the one to bring the subject back up.

 _But what if he did remember?_ Jane thought to herself. That thought made her both giddy and terrified. She knew that he had started to care for her again - their kiss in the cell proved that - but she hadn't expected him to lay out his feelings so bluntly.

Their relationship was so fragile, that Jane was scared that almost anything could cause it to come crashing down. She couldn't go through that again. During those 3 months in the CIA blacksite, she had thought of nothing else but Kurt - how she had hurt him, how he could never forgive her, and how much it had pained her to see him like that. All she wanted at that time was to see him again, to tell him everything, to make things right. And now, they were _finally_ back on track, and she couldn't bare the thought of losing him like that again. She was terrified of… him. Of loving him.

She couldn't keep kidding herself - she loved him. She had known it ever since she had told him that he was her starting point. Because he was. His name was on her back, he cared for her when no-one else dared to, he invited her into his life… and she would never be able to repay him.

So what was stopping her from telling him all of this?

Fear. Fear of losing him all over again. She didn't have enough strength left to cope with it. _He's the best thing that's ever happened to me since I came out of that bag,_ Jane thought to herself.

She knew things were different now. Everything that had happened - Taylor, Roman, Shepherd, the truth about Emma's death - it had all been for a reason. It had made their relationship stronger. Yes, it had broken them for a while, but they had managed to come out of it the other side - and more importantly, there were no more secrets between them. And Kurt didn't regret any of it - he had said so himself.

Jane's eyes flitted back to the illuminated screen in her hand. She still hadn't replied to Kurt's invitation, and she still didn't know how to.

She wouldn't reply just yet. She was suffocating inside the safe house; she needed some fresh air.

 _I'll go for a walk, and see where my feet take me,_ she thought.

The night was surprisingly warm for early winter, so much so that Jane decided to carry her leather jacket instead of wear it. She had gotten to know the streets of New York quite well since she'd arrived, using sleepless nights to explore the city. The streetlights bounced on her head as she walked briskly through the streets, not even paying attention to where she was going. She didn't even realise where she was heading until she saw it, right in front of her.

The park close to Kurt's appartment.

Jane had come here a few times since getting out of the blacksite. In the early days, whenever Kurt was still angry at her, she would come here, and sit for hours on that little bench, thinking about how much she longed for things to go back to how they were before, before she met Oscar. She had wanted to meet Kurt so badly that night, more than anything, but Oscar held answers that she just couldn't resist. Now, though, she knew that she had made the wrong decision that night; if she could go back in time, she would meet Kurt at the park, just like he'd suggested. She would choose him.

Turning around to face the apartment block overlooking the park, Jane's eyes gazed upwards to the window that she knew belonged to Kurt's apartment. The lights were on, and she could vaguely hear music. Jane gripped her leather jacket tightly, and took a deep breath.

 _It's not too late to choose him._

She crossed the street and entered the apartment block. Her heart pounded alongside her shoes as she marched up the stairs, determined not to turn back. She reached his apartment door; she could hear Tasha and Patterson laughing. Before she could regret it, she opened the door.

All of them turned to look at her, a look of surprise on their faces - especially Kurt's. She gave a small wave to Tasha, Patterson and Reade at the counter, but every part of her was focused on Kurt. He walked towards her, and said "I didn't think you were coming".

 _He seems happy to see me,_ Jane thought to herself. A slight bit of relief settled inside her, but it wasn't enough to overcome her increasing heart rate.

"Can I talk to you for just a second?" Jane said, gesturing her head towards the corridor. "Outside."

Kurt looked confused, but he followed her out to the corridor, closing the door behind him.

Jane braced herself for what she was about to say.

 _Okay, this is it,_ she told herself. _Whatever happens, happens. We're gonna be just fine._


End file.
